don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
