I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
