My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
