in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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