Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
