We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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