Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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