I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
