and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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