dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So apparently I’m into choking now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize