I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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