Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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