Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
