i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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