mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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