I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
