I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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