i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
either way he was missing a nipple.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
