We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
