So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
