i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If its not for food we ain't going out.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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