i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
