I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
