I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
