he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
