You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
