he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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