What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
