I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
