ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
