they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
