You're earring is so big in my mouth
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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