god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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