You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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