so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
