It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
