redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
