Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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