My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
