my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
