It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
