Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
