she was so not down for the gang bang
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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