I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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