I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
