Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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