my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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