Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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