Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
