ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
