If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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