Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
